Saturday, May 09, 2015

Mobile --- Bathiram --- Mobile

“Idiot are you hearing me ?” Oh this Yell turns to vain coz this guy is busy in instant text messaging.. “Beti ye sare saman lekhe aana” “Are aapki beti ithni silent hai?” “Oh the fullform of feminity, bent heads” Oh no Please don’t misunderstand, it is just that, the girls have a 3G connection and a whats app or the hike facility in their mobile. It is too hard to find out a person on road, without a mobile phone ! Such is the impact of cellular technology in the contemporary period. We had always thought what would happen if mobiles were not invented, how a day would be without a mobile, what if mobiles do not need electrical charges and all that. Here is a funny crazy creepy idiotic imagination of what would happen if the mobile phones had life.
It is about 7.00 am in the morning.  Somewhere, “Riya Wake up, Riya Wake up!” call comes. I twist, twitch and turn, realizing that I am under my quilts. Slowly, fetching my mobile, I try to activate the snooze options. And, the alarm is put to rest, for the first time. In another three minutes time, my cellular phone beeps again and the snooze drama continues.
For the fifth time, when I am about to snooze, *Crunch* my fore finger is hurt. Shocked, I wake up and realize the evil grin on my mobile phone. Blinking the shrinking eyes, I look again. Yeah that is my mobile, having life, with an evil grin!
“You will know how I am going to treat you, today, for today is my day” says my mobile. “And, you can not say to any one, that I can talk or bite you!”, it continues in a husky voice! Shocked, I plan to leave the mobile in its place, switching off. But shucks, It does not get switched off!
I get ready to rush, push and hush! By the time I refresh and get ready for the day, the crazy mobile, crunches into the cable wires. When questioned, SHE (the mobile, and from on the mobile is in feministic gender! ) replies that she is hungry and hence she nibbles the wires so as to “charge” herself up! I recall, how many times, I have drained her battery and kept her connected to the plug points always. Sad, Father Time, you know !
From now on, the trouble starts! Every time, when I get a call, I tend to answer and she lets me to do that! And, my incoming call frequency is so high that, I have to answer, officially, personally and all ly calls, kind of, continuously! But the catch that she keeps for me is, I cannot speak over her, for more than two minutes! If I do so, She gets, HOT and BITES my ear lobes! Such a lovely damsel she turns out to be! :-P ;-) Yeah, any call, NOT MORE than two minutes!
In the mid of the day, when I am at the tea club, I receive a call from my beloved, and I try to answer it! Oh my, she changes the ringtones that I had personalized and yells out a very nasty ring tone that I am now the laughing stock for my colleagues! Whilst I am answering the call, she lets out hasty squishy noises after her two minutes that all of a sudden, everybody gazes at me and I am embarrassed!
Every time when my what’s app buzzes “hey buddy, what is up?”, She gets too weird that she starts draining all the available 3G signals, either on the mobile or off the mobile ! Clearly confusing, right ? Yeah, She receives all the 3G signals in the surroundings and supplies to me, leaving both me and my Network operator systems confusing or she works strictly as if she is in a Jammer Zone! Ensuring, that my connectivity is Balanced on an average!
She gulps in now all the contact number stored in her and leaves me clueless now! Any number that is flashed in her screen is identified as unknown number ! Now, as I do not know my wife’s and girl friend’s number by heart, I have to wait, think and analyze before I send any text to any of these two people! Else, I would definitely be in soup! ! !
Every time, when I touch her, I am treated well! A bite, a punch or sometimes a lick ! Come on, please do not understand it to be so sensual! Every verbal deed mentioned above, is a form of allegations and not sensual supports!!! Every time when I try to punch in the number to be contacted, I get a punch on my face, as how, In the same shear, I punched the numbers in the dial pad!
During some emergency calls, she goes phut and dead! When I am vexed of her behavior and throw her aside, she works in full swing and is accessible to every body else ! A day, one full day, of 24 hours, My mobile has treated me as how I have been treating her, so far. The urge that I did to her, the intensity of work load that I gave to her, the way how I ill treated her, every thing, was done back to me, by my mobile.
. . .
That was a small imagination, of how mobile abuse would revert to us, if mobiles had a chance to! And, yeah I can hear you, let me give in! I am a constant and a very fast user of mobile, that I exploit the mobile to its fullest extent! Face book whats app, we chat, tang, viber, games, google, music player, video player, cameras, albums, calls, many thing and everything that could be done on mobiles, I do every day ! And I hope, that’s why I might dream like this ! ! !

PS:: Why mobile Is personalized to SHE is that, sometimes back I read some lyrics comparing River and Females, “ Nadhi Karai Thaandi vittaal, Kaadum kadalum Kollathu – Pennum padi thaandivittal Naadum veedum thaangathu “ Yeah Now mobile and female are the same. When their tempers are aggravated, the others are left mortified! ! !