Thursday, March 16, 2017

No Title Decided . . . !

In India or to be specific, the Tam Bram weddings are mostly one time happenings and done to last long. Especially the arranged marriages, generally , last longer than ever! May be, these ceremonies are special for the sacred chants , for the rituals, for those promised made in the Deva - Basha Sanskrit, in presence of the purest form of energy - the fire god, may be witnessed by a lot of kith and kins when the man and woman are pronounced as husband and wife gives a sense of responsible meaning, may be because it was union of families more than anything, may be the unforeseen seal of love, I am not sure what makes the Indian - Tambram Weddings, so special! Exceptions may be there, adding a numerical value to unhappy couples being together or unhappy couples drifted apart. But the former, are never actually unhappy couples, but couples who could never find some time for their "couple talks" but have a lot of time and stuff for parents - responsibility - finance talks. Time would fly fast before any one understands and it is upon the mature people in any relationship, to make a go - happy - all - laughter group! 

That was indeed a small house, awaiting to turn into a sweet home. They stepped into that small house far away from their native lands and folks. They never knew that life would make them meet. 
They met 'electronically' after their parents and elders decided to seal these two people together. The long distance relationship had more fall backs. Unlike other men, she had met, he was different - may be cold, may be strong, may be uninterested? She never could make it out. People around , boasted about him for his kindness, fun attitude and at the same time, reserved nature. She felt more oxymoron of his personality. May be, he was forced to do the wedding. May be he was influenced. May be... Not knowing any of his traits and expectations, she built a dream of hers. She penned down every day, from October to April , in "Special Moments" note! 

However, announcements were made. few get - together were arranged, which actually were for get - aparts. Boasting of relationships, characters were all made, yeah definitely, on both sides. She felt, all these elders, should definitely be awarded of a Doctorate in "Marriage" administrations - Marketing ! With expectations, she got ready for the great event of meeting him in person and the grater event of becoming a part of his family. 

Flushing her thoughts, she woke up at dawn - say Six or even before. She refreshed herself, did some sacred things in the pooja rack which she never used to do earlier, and pushed herself into the kitchen. She moved all over the room like a top, managing the four burner stoves, having vessels on their firey mouths all at a time. She finished transforming the raw ingredients into edible - tasty as how his friends commented, food! Stuffed them into those glass boxed and snugged the box into a spongy bag. In the mean time, woke him up with a voice, brewed coffee was steaming hot in the cup. They both drank , mostly in silence or the john Oliver speaking through the iPhone 6S plus of his! After sending him to office, with a lost expectation of good bye hug or a good bye kiss that vanished in the faintest dreams of hers, she began clearing up the home. Calls to her homeland were the only moments that made her feel good. Her lost naughtiness, fun - tease - nonstopchatter - moments with her only friend, was what she looked for. Her talks were always about the new people in the foreign land, the climate, the bus driver, the lady with the dog, the never-smiling - opposite - house northie figure, culinary experiments and many more.

Friends of hers, never believed when she said it was an "arranged" marriage and the "couples - to - be" never met in person but for four days before the wedding. Witnessing her writings during the college days, her circle expected an entirely different "love - fairy - taled - traditional - trendy - big happy-family" Bramin wedding with lots of photographs and poetries adoring every feed. They expected the Social Medias to be bombarded with her posts of her husband - to - be, romantic poetries and a lot more! Nothing as such happened. Her works influenced people. Her words had brought in lots of changes in many of her friends' relationships. But for her? Though every piece of her writings were just her imagination of how she dreamt of her life, people found it fascinating! For her, her works were just abstract - needed no knowledge of experience to understand what they were. 

Many days their conversations (since engagement) would be fierce ending in a clash or feud and many days the exact opposite of it : quiet - silent - gazes owing to avoid the fierce words. He watched movies while she played games. She read books while he went to office. And thus the time flew. She always wanted to be immensely dependent on her husband - wake up in his arms every morning - share those secret romantic looks - drag her in every conversation - make her feel so important and pampered - read her works - appreciate with all emotions - fall asleep on his shoulders - may be , he should teach her to be soft and tender! For, she had struggled enough , faced many failures, shared a lot of success, she evolved to be an independent woman with a masculine touche in her attitude.She wanted to have immediate relations of her same age group. Make fun of him with them, join in their gigs and many more. She had always dreamt of the 'cousins' time together' but despite the herd of cousins from maternal and paternal ways, she never knew many of their spouses' name too! It was exciting for her to know, the family was a big one with all cousins conversing regularly!

Every time, when she tried making sense of whatever messes they were in, nothing good happened. She could only feel escalating the mishaps in the past and the traumatic consequences from a few incidents between them remained fresh. For whatever reasons, she could never let go off the thoughts of insults, lies and many more hidden truths. She could never forgive the destructors of her dreams. Confused of what to be done, every conversation about the messes were just adding up more to the unhappy moments. She was only stamped as non sociable - adamant - arguing for her parents ( Yeh, girl gets married, she should not stand for her parents - worst case, if she did , out of sheer insulting anger, she would be quoted of any incident about some people in the family who gave importance to the in-laws than parents - WOW - INDIAN SOCIETY!!!) - non understandable - and many more which had never been her traits in the past decades. Her notes remained unread and pushed her in agony that she had to tear them into pieces and throw it away. The decorated home with the minimal wedding pictures they took, had now got walls that had only clocks. No sign of newly wed was seen in the walls as before. 

Still, she and he battles every day, to understand their counterpart and make an heart to heart conversation! And, they believe, they can work upon the messes . . ! Life goes on . . !

PS : This piece is a reflection of A Fictional Reality - (un) existing in the Society - Any resemblance to the situations/characters mentioned above is (im)Purely (un)Coincidental ! All the Pictures in the article are owned by WBK Photography - Cited with PERMISSIONS!

Friday, March 10, 2017

I to I - Conversation


Past ,
Present !



Dear I,

Since there are no one around to tell me all these, I tell it to myself, I realize, what it feels like, to be where I am. But I know I am letting myself down instead of saving my own self. It is just that I have been drowning in the darkest shades of black, but with a ray of hope to make it up for a little air. There are just no one to entrust and hold my hand through this and that's why I want to rise high and say I am fine by my own self. When the surroundings encourage me to go to dark , I encourage myself to let myself break down, feel the fall and experience the failure and then back it up for life time. Still, there is a dark fear, when I smash myself up, who shall stay around to put me back together? Love is all just a chatter and in Life, only blood and self matters. And so, I wanna be healthy just for me, I wanna walk and run just for myself ! But again, I struggle bringing in the concept of self happiness and shamelessly go behind all the others who ditched me through out. This is my weakness and I have to live through it. I will not tell myself that everything happens for a reason. Because I know, that in time, I will have this realization myself, seeing my broken heart with so much scars, still beating for life, Everything happens for a reason! If I were there to realise, one day may be it all made sense. Just because it took a lot of time - a real lot of time, no words ever helped me or will help me. Words were spilled just to show off greatness and never at any point, denoted love. Again, Love is all just a chatter and in Life only blood and self matter. 

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

That Magical Thing - Published in "March 2017 Infinithoughts, India"

Love is something that drives the world. The love of earth with the sun, the love of moon with the earth, the love of me with you and you with that of the other, love is seen anytime, anywhere, every time, every where. It is indeed bravura, the flair with an artistic touch shared between two souls that are special to each other. Every relationship in life starts with the crush, an impressive hello or what ever. And it finally builds up that unseen bond between the two souls, a bond that demands the feeling of completeness, a bond that gifts the feeling of cherished incubations, a sense of affirmations and a lot more.

Why are we not ready to accept the fact that every relationship has that sharing bond of love that may be derived of passion and interest or a common wound shared or any little thing which is equivalent to both! Every kin is a lover for that matter and unless they are playing it right royally fast and loose, a concept of Physical attraction or the sexual arousal does not come in. The cultural constraints make us deny our craving for them, keeping the cravings carved deep in the logs of your secret orchid, where you tend to walk alone just with the imagination or the memories of the contemporary past. And every single damn feeling of each others roam happily in the living room and even the prayer halls but falls short of the bedroom doors.

Stamp me as an iconoclast – never mind, but let me tell you, every emotion need to be vented out. Your emotions about the other, the pain that the soul feels in the absence of your beloved ones, the jump your heart dances in their proximity, the want of giving a tight hug, the urge of planting a passionate kiss on the fore head, the push for looking into the eyes telling or yelling, I just love you,   every small thing counts. For, the love is divine and does not have any gender discrimination to it to be erotic! The contemporary nonsense has brought something called the physical entity or the physical desire that stokes the fire between the genders, into picture. The bizarre fact is that “I love is you” is a statement and every one do expect an answer in return to a STATEMENT. Let me not talk about the erotic love, an affair that involves the electric impulse of the male and the female, stoking the fires and soothing their senses. However, a true romance, an erotic & a non platonic affair starts only at that point where the sensual fire lights up and more of your hormones gush pulling your gamete out of its place.

But, let me tell you all, you would not always run into people who remain in your heart and give you a flitting across life – feel, like that of a butterfly nectaring the flower! To some love is a verschlimmbesserung, because they feel they do not get it reciprocated. Some argue, in love I shall not expect any reciprocation but to whom should I look out for reciprocations other than my beloved? You need to get on the ball to understand what love is. It is more a feel than the fact of understanding. Some tell love can not be confined to one and you need to express it rather than thinking it to be a tea pot in the tempest.

Just share love that is unconditional. Do not constrain your feeling for the other. Mean what you say, Yes, I mean what you can not mean, When you say I love you; make sure you are not disappointing your beloved ones by any action of yours. The cutest part in love is, your beloved will accept you as you are but you must know to change yourself for your beloved one. Love is something that balances the life. It is more of an emotional feeling that should be unconditional without any constrains. Just Love, Love and Love only! Because, it is Love that makes Life Beautiful! J

PS: Love, in all most all the context above, refers to a Platonic Love! J