I to I - Conversation

From 

I,

Past ,

Present !

To

I.

Future.

Dear I,

Since there are no one around to tell me all these, I tell it to myself, I realize, what it feels like, to be where I am. But I know I am letting myself down instead of saving my own self. It is just that I have been drowning in the darkest shades of black, but with a ray of hope to make it up for a little air. There are just no one to entrust and hold my hand through this and that's why I want to rise high and say I am fine by my own self. When the surroundings encourage me to go to dark , I encourage myself to let myself break down, feel the fall and experience the failure and then back it up for life time. Still, there is a dark fear, when I smash myself up, who shall stay around to put me back together? Love is all just a chatter and in Life, only blood and self matters. And so, I wanna be healthy just for me, I wanna walk and run just for myself ! But again, I struggle bringing in the concept of self happiness and shamelessly go behind all the others who ditched me through out. This is my weakness and I have to live through it. I will not tell myself that everything happens for a reason. Because I know, that in time, I will have this realization myself, seeing my broken heart with so much scars, still beating for life, Everything happens for a reason! If I were there to realise, one day may be it all made sense. Just because it took a lot of time - a real lot of time, no words ever helped me or will help me. Words were spilled just to show off greatness and never at any point, denoted love. Again, Love is all just a chatter and in Life only blood and self matter.