Friday, March 23, 2018

The Prayers' Power . . !

A few years back, Kailash went to Sabari Mala praying for my good health. There were a grand feast and pooja for all the swamis at our place. He ordered a full stomach filling food. About 100 people or so visited our home, attended the pooja and blessed us all. We were extremely glad. His trip to see Ayyappan was also an eventful and successful one. He came with his usual surprise gifts.

Kailash on his first birthday

That night, I was teasing him and scolding him the long pending scoldings. It is a practice that one who wears the garland and fasts for the pilgrimage, should not be scolded. For his forty-five days plus the three days journey, altogether of forty-eight days of non - scolding him, I was in a full form to tease him. I asked him, what he prayed for. He replied, " I prayed for a life one day longer than yours." I was taken aback by this reply of his. I did not understand why he said so. I mistook him, slept angrily that night. A few days later, when I fought with mom like the usual happenings of those days (even now) and was in solitude in my room, he came and he sat next to me and said, " You are very naive. You need me around for every bit of your life, to tease, to support, to play with, to rely upon. So, I won't leave until you leave this world. That is a promise." I remember pushing him aside angrily and he smiled, patting me back saying, "Loosu Gaana, come let's play Monopoly." After a decade, I keep remembering his promise, every day. I held on to the anger that he did not fulfill his promise. I memorialized certain events and kept the pain of missing him, so close to me.

But, I have grown to make peace with the fact that his physique is the absent one in the contemporary world. I began holding on to the beautiful memories of him tightly that in his absence, the memories soothe me. I began to joyfully accredit that I have had the most beautiful brother in the world. I have begun to accept the fact that his death can not lessen the love that he had for me nor I had for him. I have begun to loosen the grip on the pain but tighten the grip on the joy of thinking about him. For, I am sure, in few earth years, I will be with him, hugging him tightly and teasing him like the usual....