It has been four years without
your laugh, without your teasing, without your advises, without the sound of
your bike, without your charanagosham, and without the physical YOU. It has
been four years of toiling, four years of solitude, four years of non-thoughtfulness.
Yes, Four years of search, four years of new people, and four years of newest
experiences and four years of non-stop tears.
Thoughts and photographic memories are something that I
never could stop myself from having. Making friends and spending time with
friends is something that both of us were interested in. A syncing interest that we shared. Festivals,
Birthdays and anniversaries actually stir up my emotions like a stone in the
puddle. I clearly remember that day how you had conversed with me. I clearly
remember that day when I walked into the morgue only to see a faceless you. I
dragged the ice box to see the morbid, strong yet the lifeless hands that used
to hug me and hit me. I still remember the demon in me with which I was
fighting when I pushed you into the furnace only to receive the ashes of yours.
But again, the same me, clearly can recall how you made me
smile. Tears of joy well my eyes when I see you in all my dreams. Hairs of my
body raise up in respect, every time, when you ensure your presence in all our
way long. Yes, I remember you coming as rain when I tied my rakhis every year
since then. I remember you kissing me as rain drops when I do something that
makes you pride.
 |
| When He had his trip to Sabarimala - Probably the last one as a mortal man |
Of course, I even remember you from the regular dream where
you walk with a blue dhoti and sandal wood paste all over your golden body. You
glitter. You shimmer. You sparkle . I
rejoice at the very sight of you who have not aged a minute from what I saw you
four years ago. I open the door just to let you in. But, what entered was just
the golden rays of the early morning sun, brightening up the whole room. The excitements,
the anxiety, the potpourri of emotions wake me up every single time and all I
wake up to find is that my mobile screen displays 04.44am in the morning, in
reality. I keep searching for you every time when a ray of light hits my
window.
I am dying to sleep every day to see this dream again and
again but my mind has become more cautious that it never lets me feel asleep to
wake up to this beautiful dream of seeing you. And, every day in this big round
earth makes me closer to you by a day and hence, I am glad about it.
