Thursday, February 16, 2017

That gone girl . .

Looking back made her understand, she needs to look forward. May be those darkness is not meant for her. Many thanks to those made her a calm lone brooder that the old chatter box - boyish - girl disappeared in the gust of the wind and a old demure remains. Whatever was considered beautiful turned out to be scary. what ever was considered lovely, turned out to be so flirtingly cheesy or rude. Whatever were felt as butterflies in her stomach turned to  be those un-fixable heartbreaks. She was just surrounded by negativity and people who desperately wanted to break her. She tried reading in between the lines and learn only the positives. However, Situations made her a complaint box. She miscounted the stars and lost the moon too. When failures just engulfed her, she realized it to be a mistake. 
Picture Courtesey: WBK Photography

With a very many ups and downs , she still tries to be happy that not only she did had a lot of nightmares but the beautiful dreams made her feel a little less contrite. That was the end of her new beginning. She started it. She tries going unnoticed and not noticing the other. She confines herself to her world. She covers up all the pains and lances her woes. She makes up her face so bright coz she doesn't want the cosmetics to go waste. There is a hope in her for waiting in those darker days. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

PS, I love you!

Don't advertise your perfections. Lighten me more on your imperfections. Feed me with those darker moments. Show me your broken parts. Describe me your dreams that never came real. Shed out those tears of regrets that is still deep inside the eyes. Show me those battles in life you never conquered. Point out to those people whom you wanted in your life but let go off! Show to me your scars. Pass on your struggles to me. I am happy to know em all and pass through everything for you and with you. 

I wanted this to happen for we were close but don't belong to each other! It so happened that the way we shared things, we were connected. May be because of destiny. May be by time. May be we knew how to remain joyful seeing the other. May be because we spoke less of what to be and spoke more of what not to be. May be because we let the real others in between. May be because we have lost the little hope.We were never for the other but looked like we were.And maybe at the time it didn’t hurt. I didn’t mind it then, loving you from afar, being your support, your confidant, your buddy, your friend. I didn’t want more because I felt like I already held all the parts of you safe in my chest.It wasn’t until distance between us got less and yet pulling us too far that I realized how hard it is to miss something that was never yours to miss. May be this is how it is!

PS, I am not sure if we love the way how we meant to be but I miss you!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

When addiction overtakes . . . !

A large cup of strong filter coffee with the golden froth on top.. Just Breathing in, deeply, very deeply, taking a gentle sip, savour the flavour, I understand what is heaven..
A large sized capsicum, with mashed potatoes and powdered red chillies. The shiny fried skin and the addicting aroma, I understand what is heaven.

You are like a filter coffee.. Like a capsicum.. I get to dwell , well in the moment, enjoy the time spent with you.. Look out for more minutes of love and no matter how many times you make me cry or you make me feel low.. I just want more.. More moments with you..
That addictive bitterness or the boozing capsicin , i keep going back to you.. Strange and bizzare, yet yes, very true.. No matter how much ever I try to convince myself that I am indeed tired of the bitterness or tired of the spiciness or with you,  very tired of the insults and pain, there’s a relapse and I find myself drowning in that bitterness, spiciness or the pains once more..

I can refrain from these, for a day or a week or just for few hours..

Something feels different; i feel like i am missing ur arms, around.. maybe am sounding shameless..
I feel like, what have you done to me.. May be nothing.. I keep coaching me, I knew you for a little while..
May be shocking..

I feel Am begging for a minute of that soft something undefinable.. May be embarrassed..
I resist but I keep thinking back to that beautiful few minutes I spend everyday, cradling you in my thoughts, grabbing a cup of strong coffee and a dish topped with capsicums..

My craving grows as only one thought is passing through my mind. I can feel adrenaline gushing out, I feel my epithelial cells communicating, I feel my taste buds longing to gulp.. And this feel is just wonderful.. My resistance breaks.. The addictions win.. Then my resistances break. the obsession begins...
Am carried away ..
Carried away by that aroma of coffee..
Carried away by that taste of capsicums..
Carried away by should i say, slaved to you, ur thoughts . . .
Coffee - Capsicums - Yo(u)!

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Being Happy is our Right . . !

When we read about happiness, we must realize that we are talking about an emotion that is not always an enduring one. Bad things and sad things are bound to happen in this life. It is up to thyself to still, live a “happy” life. The shrinking society which is slowly losing its human nature, the fastest communications and technological advancements, brings us sad and bad things happening everywhere. The slow burns of injustice are still in its early fumes. And still, how can one be happy, in their life?

PC: WBK Photography

Some happiness is meant to be served after a huge sadness. Sometimes, it is that people need more time, to heal themselves from the wounds of past and taste the present. Ways of expressing and venting out differ. Nobody knows about the wound, until they are told. The mental and emotional wounds need a little more time to heal, to forgive and forget, to ignore and accept whatever had happened in the past. We need to be soulfully happy again and that is the essence of life. Brooding over the past leads us nowhere. We need not rely on one or two ways, to have our closures. Some listen to music, some do binge watching of their favorite shows, some read books, some people, like me, pen down their emotions in a big – long paper and then tear them off, some take a walk in the woods, some spend time in social media, and many ways are out there, to distract and get over.
Then again, it does take time to completely heal thyself. Even it does, to heal partially. During those getting – back – to – normalcy days, people might tell "I am good." That doesn't mean they are absolutely fine. Nor does that mean that their mind and heart and soul are again a happy place that once used to be. Still, they say they are doing good. May be, their "I am good" means "they do not cry 24/7" or "they are not having only sleepless nights" or "they are trying to smile now" or "they are matured to accept the fact that life is all about little compromises” or “they understood that little acceptations and some exceptions and little more satisfaction can make life a good one to live" or "they have started being a little more happy with the little what they have" or "they've accepted the fact that some things need to accepted for few years before changing it" or "they just realized that happiness stays a little longer when we neglect little things".

May be, for some people, their dish of happiness is destined to be served a little later. If they are wise enough, they can realize that they carry a jar of happiness with them, as always and can open it and sprinkle a bit to everything that is served to them. And there, they remain happy. Believe me, happiness tastes better when served after a tinge of sadness. Once, when we start decluttering out negative thoughts and serve ourselves with happy smileys, every time, life will look very beautiful to live. For, we are born to be cheerful and not to brood over the spilled milk!
Stay cheerful and stay happy!

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

That water . . .

Amidst the mundane, monotonous days of loneliness at home with those four white plaster of paris walls, I thought to step out of the home and go to my husband's work place. There is this river running alongside of my way. Every time I crossed this river side, I made look at this place with awe. the golden feilds and a long clean river makes me feel so fresh.
Some times, during snowy days, it is filled with frost and fog that I could not see the longer view of the river, curving! Some other day, the sun rays dance on the top layer of water and sparkle lice a zillion dollar jewel! Some other times, with the winds and rains, the glossy appearance alters by itself and gives us another awesome and yet uncomprehending feel of amusement! Someother times, the clouds gush from no where, above the river and tries hard to kiss the river at the horizons!
That Long river . . (My Click)
A thought to feed the mind, The nature portrays through this river side, that every day is new and every scenario is new. Just like the river and water that remains constant, people and their emotions are constant. The way how the river and water is portrayed to us is decided by nature. The way how people and their emotions are presented to us is decided by the situations. However, all remains the same.
Just as how the sun comes out of the hideout and kisses the blossoms to open up even on a winter season, a drop of love is always there for every one in your cherished circle. We need to watch out for those little moments of happiness, unnoticed smiles, hidden love and embrace them all with a grace realising that, Life is beautiful and it is once. Let us learn to appreciate, accept and apologize!